i’ve never had the luxury of forever.
waiting
for the moment they decide
it’s time to go.
pouring over
every word spoken.
looking for
the smoke before the fire.
trying to trust in
the stars
the dreamers
and
my naive heart
while my mind tells me lies
like
they will never love you.
the heart still wins
for now.
I want you
to hold my face in your hands
and kiss me
like there is nothing else you’d rather do
I don’t know
how long
I can stand
the weight of not being enough.
I wait for a sign
like a thunderstorm,
to knock upon the windows
and clear out my confusion.
But the rain won’t come
and I sit,
with my uncertainty.
Trying to outwit my little bruised heart
from what cannot be controlled.
We all play our parts
dreaming of realities we are too scared
to set in motion.
Who will be the brave one?
Years back, I abandoned the traditional new years resolution in favor of a word of the year. The word can be a goal, encouragment, a reminder. Most importantly, for me, an intention for the coming year.
This past year, my word was Serenity. I was struggling with panic attacks and wanted to be able to stay calmer through the chaos.
Yeah. So. 2016.
It wasn’t serene. It was a rollercoaster, but I made it.
I chose Clarity because I’ve lost my way a bit. I need to figure out why I’m lost and what will put me back on my path.
everything I think I have
is built on quicksand
and I’m slowly sinking
down
somewhere unknown
no excitement
nor dread
just a realization
that im going alone
i’m trying
calmer and softer
you’re irritated
avoiding me,
lashing out at the first twinge of guilt
restless and unhappy
what do you want?
you dont want to hold me when i cry.
