everything I think I have
is built on quicksand
and I’m slowly sinking
down
somewhere unknown
no excitement
nor dread
just a realization
that im going alone
i’m trying
calmer and softer
you’re irritated
avoiding me,
lashing out at the first twinge of guilt
restless and unhappy
what do you want?
you dont want to hold me when i cry.
make all the excuses you want
say all the right words
in the right order
smile.
i feel nothing and everything
as though I know the ending to this movie
but i still have to play the part.
wishing i was mistaken
watching as the walls go up
yours and mine.
it’s raining outside
and i drive
from one place to the next
my mind as clouded as the sky.
watching things fall apart
in slow motion
wondering if,
like the leaves,
this is part of the cycle
or if it is gone
for good.
i need you
but i cannot ask for you
i stay quiet
and
try to breathe
through it all
i dont understand any of this
but maybe
it will be ok
i’m yours
even when you dont want me
and it all seems bleak.
trust yourself.
you are so much more
than the lies you tell yourself.
stay, and you’ll see.
