every night
as my eyes begin to close
my heart aches
wishing the next time they open
that things will make sense again.
i know who i am, finally.
but am lost
in this world of convenience
& monotony.
is there any point in dreaming
when you are so easily forgotten?
who gets what they want?
eyes open, but i cannot see.
keep waiting for when this gets easier
as i cry to songs on the radio
that aren’t that sad.
entangled in memories of our past
not sure what i’m looking to find
it doesn’t matter who
or when
or why
“we” are still done
and letting go
doesn’t happen in a moment
no matter how fast i see you try.
there are no villians in this story
only the sad truth
that love
isnt enough.
why is loving me
an option
a sacrifice
a compromise?
i should be a dream come true
I first heard this song on a self-titled album The Pierces made way back, I’m pretty sure it was 2000 or 2001. At work, I don’t have wi-fi and can’t run my spotify all day because, data. So what do I do? I use a dusty ‘ol Ipod and listen to music from itunes. My folders of music starting from napster downloads when I was 14 have gone with me through computers, relationships… my twenties.
I’ve always loved this album and I’ve liked the song. For some reason, today, at age 31, the song came through my headphones and went right to my soul.
I love that music can do that. It can carry you through the storm or softly narrate the best of moments.
There’s a lot you don’t know.
There’s a lot you don’t know.
And there’s a lot I can’t tell.
Would you think I’m crazy
If you knew me that well?
Cause there’s a lot you don’t know
But you say you won’t go and I’d like to believe you.
But I know there’s no one left to save me.
(I am the only one.)
There’s no one left to save me.
(I am the only one.)
There’s no one left to save me.
Is it all in my head
Or somehow is it truth?
Is it something I said?
I can offer no proof.
Cause there’s a lot you don’t know
But you say you won’t go and I’d like to believe you.
But I know there’s no one left to save me.
(I am the only one.)
There’s no one left to save me.
(I am the only one.)
There’s no one left to save me.
Yeah there’s a lot you don’t know
But you say you won’t go and I’d like to beleive you.
And I know but you say you won’t go
And I’d like to believe you.
But I know there’s no one left to save me.
(I am the only one.)
There’s no one left to save me.
(I am the only one.)
There’s no one left to save me.
All you have to do is ask.
i’ve never had the luxury of forever.
waiting
for the moment they decide
it’s time to go.
pouring over
every word spoken.
looking for
the smoke before the fire.
trying to trust in
the stars
the dreamers
and
my naive heart
while my mind tells me lies
like
they will never love you.
the heart still wins
for now.
I want you
to hold my face in your hands
and kiss me
like there is nothing else you’d rather do
I don’t know
how long
I can stand
the weight of not being enough.
I wait for a sign
like a thunderstorm,
to knock upon the windows
and clear out my confusion.
But the rain won’t come
and I sit,
with my uncertainty.
Trying to outwit my little bruised heart
from what cannot be controlled.
We all play our parts
dreaming of realities we are too scared
to set in motion.
Who will be the brave one?
Years back, I abandoned the traditional new years resolution in favor of a word of the year. The word can be a goal, encouragment, a reminder. Most importantly, for me, an intention for the coming year.
This past year, my word was Serenity. I was struggling with panic attacks and wanted to be able to stay calmer through the chaos.
Yeah. So. 2016.
It wasn’t serene. It was a rollercoaster, but I made it.
I chose Clarity because I’ve lost my way a bit. I need to figure out why I’m lost and what will put me back on my path.
