in the oddest moments
i grieve.
i sage, i cry
i do every letting go ritual i can find.
and there is peace.
until i see his favorite coffee is on sale
and almost grab it.
or my dreams betray me,
and there he appears
to say all of the awful things
i fear about myself
are true.
when will i learn it is okay
to make mistakes?
love,
and people
change.
i am no longer the person who loved him.
i may miss her
but she’s gone.
hands were held
and
promises made
with a naivety i thought i’d outgrown
long ago
in my haste
to make things bullet proof
i mistook his excitement
as love
instead of opportunity
he made his mistakes with me
through me
with not one drop
of loyalty
love cannot be tucked away
and protected
trying to find the right way
i discovered
it was all wrong
the pain of being broken
is subsiding.
my mind has stopped replaying
the moments
where i was wrong
or
when he lied.
now my mind asks
in those quiet hours,
where soft notes
& delicate harmonies
keep me company.
where do i go from here?
how can i tell this story
when i can hardly
accept the words
as truth.
yet here i am
midway through a chapter
i hope
won’t be titled Regret.
if you want me
say it.
i will hold your hand
through anything
and
you know it.
i don’t have to be the one that got away.
where do i belong
and
does it matter if i don’t?
will this longing ever go
or is it a piece of my soul
that i shouldn’t wish away?
if i am
basic
boring
mediocre
dim
why do i want more?
i thought ignorance was bliss.
every night
as my eyes begin to close
my heart aches
wishing the next time they open
that things will make sense again.
i know who i am, finally.
but am lost
in this world of convenience
& monotony.
is there any point in dreaming
when you are so easily forgotten?
who gets what they want?
eyes open, but i cannot see.
keep waiting for when this gets easier
as i cry to songs on the radio
that aren’t that sad.
entangled in memories of our past
not sure what i’m looking to find
it doesn’t matter who
or when
or why
“we” are still done
and letting go
doesn’t happen in a moment
no matter how fast i see you try.
there are no villians in this story
only the sad truth
that love
isnt enough.
why is loving me
an option
a sacrifice
a compromise?
i should be a dream come true
I’m the only one
I first heard this song on a self-titled album The Pierces made way back, I’m pretty sure it was 2000 or 2001. At work, I don’t have wi-fi and can’t run my spotify all day because, data. So what do I do? I use a dusty ‘ol Ipod and listen to music from itunes. My folders of music starting from napster downloads when I was 14 have gone with me through computers, relationships… my twenties.
I’ve always loved this album and I’ve liked the song. For some reason, today, at age 31, the song came through my headphones and went right to my soul.
I love that music can do that. It can carry you through the storm or softly narrate the best of moments.
There’s a lot you don’t know.
There’s a lot you don’t know.
And there’s a lot I can’t tell.
Would you think I’m crazy
If you knew me that well?
Cause there’s a lot you don’t know
But you say you won’t go and I’d like to believe you.
But I know there’s no one left to save me.
(I am the only one.)
There’s no one left to save me.
(I am the only one.)
There’s no one left to save me.
Is it all in my head
Or somehow is it truth?
Is it something I said?
I can offer no proof.
Cause there’s a lot you don’t know
But you say you won’t go and I’d like to believe you.
But I know there’s no one left to save me.
(I am the only one.)
There’s no one left to save me.
(I am the only one.)
There’s no one left to save me.
Yeah there’s a lot you don’t know
But you say you won’t go and I’d like to beleive you.
And I know but you say you won’t go
And I’d like to believe you.
But I know there’s no one left to save me.
(I am the only one.)
There’s no one left to save me.
(I am the only one.)
There’s no one left to save me.
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