Quite Whimsical

Going into 2020, I wanted to choose a word that built off of 2019’s– which was Trust. As an often anxious person, having Trust as my foundation allowed me to believe that things will work out as they should and that I can and do make good choices in life.

In the last few weeks, I have been thinking of goals I’d like for the new year. I want to read 24 books within the year (2 a month), continue learning and growing in my position at work, travel to Hawaii and, hopefully, Europe. Explore? Seek? Journey?…those didn’t quite work.

I want to learn, grow and travel, but it comes down to making the most of what I am fortunate enough to have. I trust the universe will take care of me, so now I want to THRIVE.

Have a beautiful Holiday Season and a 2020 that goes beyond your expectations!

I don’t believe anyone that has no regrets.
Are you lying to me, yourself,
or have you just not lived at all?

Dreams don’t change the past
and
they won’t predict the future.
They haunt us.
Images of who we truly want to be
Could be,
Should have been.

Regret is the aching, annoying reality
Of the choices made
That got us here.

http://quitewhimsical.com/2019/01/1088/

I can listen to the song we danced to again.
no more skipping the memory.
I don’t wonder if you miss me anymore.
I just try to believe it all wasn’t a lie.
finally present in this new life, it took time.
I’m sure you’re changed, too.
no more sad goodbyes.
oh what a chapter we shared
but I have a new story now,
a new heart,
that beats for me.

http://quitewhimsical.com/2018/10/1071/

Writing poetry is weird. Sharing it is strange. Yet, here we are.

For me, poetry is the way I process the hard stuff. When the emotions sit with me for hours, days, years not sure how to move forward until one day it spills out.

Poems are both intimate and vague, trying to emphasize the emotion rather than the event that created it. Often, I pull from memories that are long gone but still live with me. I find it interesting the projections people make on my words when they do read.

After I have written something, I usually like it. I re-read a few times, post it here, to twitter. Inevitably, I come back to it and feel exposed and embarrassed. I have debated many times deleting everything when I feel foolish and untalented. I rely too much on validation from others to build my self-esteem but I talk myself out of going dark because I believe the act of creating is worth something, even if it doesn’t feed my ego.

I look at pictures of people I used to know
and wonder how it must feel
To trust that your life is gonna turn out just as planned.
To not rip apart every interaction,
To find out what isn’t being said.
To feel at ease in the quiet.
I wish I still believed in forever
Now I just fear goodbye.

http://quitewhimsical.com/2018/06/972/